Recently I have been thinking a lot about prayer.
You see a few weeks ago I prayed really hard for something. Maybe more than I have ever prayed about anything. Something was on my heart and caused anxiety so I let that lead me to prayer.
Many people in my life were also praying for something.
I thought "I don't know what I will do if i don't get this something" Really I was asking how my heart would respond. (By heart I am talking about a comprehensive heart = mind, affections, and will.) I wanted my heart to praise the Lord.
Soon my prayers turned from "Lord I want something" to "Lord let me praise you even if I don't get something, but I want something"
I was taking very literally part of Philippians 4:6 by letting my requests be made known to God.
As it was looking more and more like I was not going to get this something I started to question/doubt the power of prayer. This led me to wrestle with the purpose of prayer.
At this point I have not made it to a biblical systematic evaluation how a lot of prayer effects getting what I pray for. I realized that through my desire for something, people in my lifer were encouraged to enter into an intimate communication with God. Something/anything is not nearly as great as this delightful privilege. It hit me hard realizing that I think prayer is mostly about me and not as much about the glory of God.
For the past year I have been really encouraged by Philippians 4, but now I am seeing it differently. Paul is not saying to pray so that God gives us what we want, but to pray in response to anxiety. With prayer, anxiety is unnecessary.
Well I didn't get this something. I don't know if the true response of my heart was praise. My heart is thankful for what I am learning through it, but my mind is still trying to communicate with my emotions that this is not God's best for us, so I shouldn't want it.
One positive note, I got an almost free vacation to palm springs that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise.
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